Journey as a Nazarite

So as some of you may know in May of 2018 I embarked on a year long Nazarite vow. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s the same vow that Sampson did in the Bible and it was also told to Moses as a vow for the Israelites. So the vow includes: not cutting your hair, not touching anything dead (so no eating meat), not having strong drink (alcohol), and not having anything from the vine (grapes, raisins, wine, vinegar.) The reason I decided to do this stemmed from a really big season in my life just before this where I felt like there was a line drawn in the sand and I made a deeper commitment to God and consecrated my life internally. I really wanted to do something externally that expressed this deeper level of consecration and so I prayed about it and talked with some friends who had done it and made this decision. I can honestly say God brought so much freedom in my life because of my obedience and sacrifice from this vow. There are thing I struggled and wrestled with before and are no longer a struggle, I am so thankful for God’s faithfulness. So it’s now almost January and I’m sure some are wondering why I am writing about this now. Well 2 reasons; 1. I wanted to put my experiences down and let people know what I have gone through so it may be a testimony to someone 2. I want to be vulnerable with my family and friends about the great work the Lord is doing in my life even if it’s not easy. So to say it plainly I am no longer doing my nazarite vow, and here is why. Before I came to YWAM and even started my vow I made sure they would be able to accommodate my new dietary restrictions, which they told me would be no problem. So when I arrived here I quickly found out the food situation is quite different here than it was for me at home. I lived in an apartment next to a vegetarian grocery store and I wasn’t really around tons of meat every day even when I moved back with my mom for the last few months before I came out here. So coming to YWAM was quite the adjustment at first, we all eat together and the vegetarians usually just have a separate bowl with other food or just the same thing with no meat. And I started to see everyday what I was missing out on. And I was very vocal (big surprise) and how much I love meat and how I miss it, even sometimes asking others just to smell their meat. People started asking why wasn’t I eating meat then and soon everyone knew about my nazarite vow. And everyone was always telling me how strong I was for resisting eating meat for so long and how hard it must be for me. Then something not so good happened, this vow that was for the Lord turned into my ability to not eat things that everyone loved and it became about how strong I was and stopped being about God. But I was oblivious to this shift. About 3 weeks ago our topic in lectures for YWAM was Lordship which was great, and on Friday we did a ministry night (17.5 hrs long) which was crazy and amazing, and one of the biggest things that we did was lay things down at the altar before God and repentance. So I ended up going first and did lay down the things God had put on my heart but I had this weird feeling there was more. So about half way through our 56 students (each student went one at a time, which shows you why it took so long) God started talking to me about how I had made my vow something it wasn’t supposed to be and I had a revelation of the pride that had been in my heart. I had pride in my own ability instead of having humility about God’s Grace to be able to do it and the freedom He brought because of it. So I decided I needed to go again. I then was the last one and I repented to God in front of my school and laid down my vow. In the Bible when you complete it or if you end it before its time you are supposed to shave your head. And I was honestly prepared to do it. But God told me, he cared about my heart and not my hair. So I decided to leave it. So for the last 3 weeks I have resumed eating meat and vinegar and grapes and raisins. I still am not drinking but that’s ok with me. And tonight I got a trim from a girl here who does hair. I don’t know if my story will mean anything to anyone. But there it is. I hope it can inspire someone to be set apart from Jesus or help someone know that everyone screws up but God’s mercies are new every morning. And through it all God is good to me and he is faithful to continue working on me.